Today I Gave Crust A Pizza My Mind
Do you know what’s good? Being the biggest pussy in the
world.
I am so freaked out by confrontation that once I found a bug in a salad
at Hungry Jacks (which in itself is revolting, don’t judge me) and just ate
around it. When the girl took my tray away I actually said “thanks, that was
great”. My clarinet teacher (and next door neighbour) called me Miriam for the whole
of my clarinetting career – about 6 years. I never had the balls to correct her
and was very relieved when she moved house and it became a non-issue. So I’m
sure that it will come as no surprise that when Crust pizza drivers park in my
driveway I just sadly drive away and say nothing. However, I do love to
complain about things and am a big believer that you are not allowed to
complain unless you have first complained to someone who can do something about
it. Hence this letter I sent to Crust Pizza this morning about the previously
mentioned driveway thief.
Dear Crust pizza,
Firstly, I just want to congratulate you on two things: your
prosciutto wraps and the fact that your staff never make me feel uncomfortable
when I order two starters and nothing else. Seriously, I don’t know if people
do this a lot but I always feel odd asking for a starter pizza and then not
ordering a middle or an end; but no one makes me feel silly and I genuinely
appreciate it. Unfortunately though, the thing about firstlys, is that they
come with secondlys and here is my secondly which is considerably less
complimentary.
One day I came home from work and pulled up outside my house,
intending on parking in my driveway. I looked over my shoulder to find that one
of the Crust Pizza drivers was already parked there. I indicated at the spot to
suggest to him that it was in fact my
spot and he quickly thrust a hand out the window to gesture that there were
spots available further up the road where I could park. I sat there for a
moment, dumbfounded, thinking that he would probably realise his error (usually
when parking in a driveway with a big yellow sign that says NO PARKING PRIVATE
DRIVEWAY – which was specifically fashioned for Crust Pizza drivers – one would
feel a little apprehensive about fellow drivers who pull up and attempt to park
in aforementioned driveway). Instead he waved his hand in an even larger arc
and mimed “go around!” seemingly incredulous that I had not noticed these
apparent “free spots” further along the street. So I went and parked in one of
those spots. Oddly, the place where I parked was only a few metres over; “what
an incredibly confident young man” I thought, but his combination of bravado and
complete disregard of signage and unwritten rules of parking in a suburban area
made me fear him a little too. Yes, I am a massive wimp who hates
confrontation, which is why I bought fluro yellow paper, wrote signs, laminated
them and stuck them up on my garage door and am now subsequently hiding behind
my computer screen and writing you a complaint letter, but that’s my prerogative
– as is parking in my own driveway.
I may not have had such a problem with this but this is a
recurring problem. I have emailed you before, rung and spoken to the manager at
Crust Annandale on several occasions (including after this specific incident)
and have indicated at the drivers from the safety of my car – what more can I
do?! Once I was even offered a free pizza for every time this happened, but I
feel incredibly awkward about asking for it and no one ever mentioned it again
during subsequent complaints, so this theoretical pizza has been of little
consolation.
And it keeps on happening. My husband works in Lane Cove and
it happens there too. He has a spot in a private car park and on several
occasions has been parked in by Crust Drivers, has driven home and then been
unable to park at home either… This leads me to wonder “is this some sort of
conspiracy?” Do you somehow know about us? Have you set up this immensely successful
pizza operation as some sort of front to further impede our inner-city parking chances?
So I’m writing to tell you, if this is indeed
the case, you got us! Well done! Kudos! The Whiteheads are having trouble parking;
your plan has come to fruition. So you can stop doing it now. Please, please,
please, I implore you, stop your drivers from parking arrogantly around like
they own the mean streets of Annandale and Lane Cove. To be fair, if you don’t,
I will do nothing differently. I am too enamoured with your olive and feta
starter pizza and some of your delivery drivers are cuties and I like to listen
to their conversations while I wait for the bus. But as one road user to another
(if you drive, if you personally don’t,
then replace the words “road user” with “human”) I would really appreciate it
if you could help a sister out.
Thanks in advance,
Marion Whitehead